Best Friend Yourself

Written by Michelle Shelton

August 22, 2023

Who do you consider to be your very best friend? Visualize them in your mind for just a minute. Visualize yourself with them. How do you feel around them? How do they talk to you? How do you talk to them? What is it about them that makes you want to be around them? If it is a healthy, balanced relationship, chances are they make you feel understood, supported, and seen. They encourage you and cheer you on. They see the best in you and want the best for you. 

Now consider your relationship with yourself. Visualize yourself alone, just you. How do you feel? How do you talk to yourself? How do you feel about being alone with just yourself? Again, if it is a healthy, balanced relationship, you will also feel understood, supported and seen. You will encourage and cheer yourself on. You will see the best in you and want the best for yourself. 

While that all sounds great, the truth is, many of us do not feel seen, supported, and understood by ourselves. We do not encourage and cheer ourselves on. We do not see the best in ourselves. 

Have you ever stopped to reflect on the narrative you hold about yourself? Sometimes the tapes we believe about ourselves play in the background of our mind and we simply accept it as truth without pausing to notice, let alone question or reframe it. Bringing awareness is a critical first step. 

Take a minute to write down the self talk in your head. What are you saying to yourself? Pause throughout your day and notice - when you’re getting ready in the morning, when you’re scrolling through social media, when you’re eating, during a meeting at work, when you’re feeling discouraged or alone, when you’re frustrated or bored. How do you talk to yourself? What do you say?

Now visualize yourself saying these things to your best friend, a sister, or brother, someone you love and care about. Would they still want to be your friend if you talked to them the way you talk to yourself? 

If the answer is no, it is time to reframe your narrative and become your own best friend. You can begin with three simple steps. 

First, Notice. Bring awareness to your negative self-talk. 

Second, Stop. Once you notice it, stop it.

Third, Restate. Restate the thought as you would say it to a friend. Bring all the compassion, understanding, and encouragement you would extend to a loved one. Offer the benefit of the doubt, the most generous interpretation. Be growth and solution oriented. 

Relationships are built on conversation and how you speak to yourself matters. Best friends come and go. Your relationship with yourself will always be with you. Cultivate one that you want to be with.