What Do I Think, Feel, Want, and Need

Written by Michelle Shelton

July 11, 2023

We live in a world full of distractions. Have you noticed? Social media, food, video games, work, alcohol, drugs. Pick your vice. We all have them. Quick hits that help relieve the stress. Momentary relief, brief escape.

Distraction serves a very useful purpose when life feels like too much. It takes us out of the overwhelm, the loneliness, the boredom, the lack of connection. It is very effective for a very short time, but when the distraction is gone, we are left back with the original feelings of stress, overwhelm, loneliness, boredom, and lack of connection. Often when we do come back to this reality, we return with a sense of guilt for wasted time or eating too much or drinking too much or neglecting our loved ones. Now we have even more difficult feelings to deal with and the need for escape increases, leading to a continual cycle of distraction. 

We break the cycle when we tune back into the present in the very moment when you feel the impulse to reach for your vice of choice. Instead, you tune back into your body, to yourself, to the underlying need. As you give yourself permission to have needs, to respond to these needs, to care for these needs, you have less need to distract and escape. 

One of my favorite coaching tools to help tune back into yourself is to ask yourself 4 questions: What do I think? What do I feel? What do I want? What do I need?

What do I think?

What are the thoughts going through my mind in this moment? What is my inner dialogue? What am I thinking about myself? About the people around me? About my environment? About my life? 

What do I feel?

What am I experiencing in my body? Where am I tense? Where am I relaxed? Is there any pain? What emotions am I experiencing?

What do I want?

What do I want to have that I don’t? What do I not want to have that I do? What would I change about this present moment?

What do I need?

What are my needs in this moment? What needs are being met? What needs are not being met? What impact is this having on me?

As you reflect on these questions, you will notice that they relate to each other. What you are thinking is probably connected to how you are feeling. Your feelings (both physical and emotional) are related to what you need. Your job in this moment isn’t to evaluate any of these thoughts or feelings as right or wrong. Your job is to simply ask, what is this signaling to me? What is it telling me about a need that I have? 

From there you can do two things.

First, you can consider what one thing - even if it is a small thing - can you do in this moment to begin to meet that need?

Second, as you start to tune into yourself in this way consistently, you will start to notice patterns. What needs do you consistently neglect in yourself? From there you can start to consider bigger changes. Changes in your mindset, changes in your priorities, changes in your habits to prioritize your own wellbeing, to distract less, and to care more.