Unblending From Emotions

Written by Michelle Shelton, RDN

May 30, 2023

I’ve found a lot of meaning and power in the practice of unblending this week. 

Unblending is an IFS term. It describes the process of separating and creating space between you and the emotions you are feeling. It does not require you to do anything with the emotion other than separate from it. You don’t have to fix or correct it. You don’t need it to leave or change. You just need it to step back, to separate, to give space.

Unblending requires an understanding and awareness that you are not what you are feeling at any given moment. From an IFS perspective, you are much deeper, much stronger, more steady, unhurt, and unaffected by what you are experiencing in the current moment. We are beings with immense capacity for compassion, curiosity, calm, connectedness, confidence, courage, creativity, and clarity. 

Deep and strong feelings can block us and make us lose sight of that inner depth and strength. We may become overwhelmed by fear, anxiety, sadness, hurt, or any other emotion. But we are not any of these things. We can also be overwhelmed (in a good way) by happiness, excitement, or other more pleasurable emotions. But we are not these things either. 

Unblending is the process of noticing these feelings when they arise. Noticing where they are in our body. Noticing how they affect us physically, noticing how they affect our thoughts, noticing how they affect our beliefs. As we notice them, we create space between our true self and all its immense capacity and this emotion. 

This space provides room for a relationship between you and this emotion. Instead of pushing it away and shutting it down as if it is something to be feared, you can offer it compassion and curiosity as if it is something to be cared for and understood. Just like in interactions with other people, when these feelings sense our care and openness to them, when they feel seen and understood, they can relax. 

This space created through awareness also empowers. It puts you back in the driver's seat of decision making. The big emotion doesn’t need to drive. You get to drive with your courageous self. 

This week, as I take big steps toward my coaching certification, I have felt big emotions. Big emotions of self doubt, fear of rejection, and fear of failure. Big and real emotions that are a healthy part of stretching out of your comfort zone and moving toward things that are important to you. 

I’ve never been good at talking myself out of emotions. Whenever I try, the emotions in question get bigger and stronger and more determined to be seen. This past week, I didn’t even attempt to talk myself out of these feelings. I created space to understand them. I felt them in my body. I let them know I understood. That they were right. That there was a possibility I would be rejected, and a possibility that I would fail. But I reassured them that I was bigger than the failure and rejection, that I would also succeed, that there would be people who need what I have to offer. I created space for and tapped into my courageous self to keep moving forward. I created space for my compassionate self to care for these emotions. I created space for my curious self to be open to learning regardless of the outcome. 

The magic of this whole process is that the fear and the anxiety learned to trust me a little more. They learned that nothing terrible happened. They learned that they don’t have to drive or overwhelm to be heard. 

As we unblend in this way, we navigate our emotions without needing to control them or allowing them to control us and stop our process and momentum forward. We tap into the wisdom of our emotional experience while remaining empowered to move forward from a place of strength.