When You’re Feeling Nervous or Anxious, Try This

Written by Michelle Shelton

February 21, 2024

Butterflies. You know the feeling. That strange sensation that your stomach somehow took flight into your throat, or maybe sunk lower in your gut. The churning. The tightness. I know this feeling well. It is a signal that I am heading into something uncomfortable. A “Caution Ahead” signal. These gut sensations often lead to other sensations, like rapid heart rate and then shallow breathing. My butterflies are flying in elevating chaos.

This is a very inconvenient sequence of events when, for example, I’m in a meeting about to present on a topic, or getting ready to share what I hope will be a profound insight to move the discussion forward. Instead of sounding powerful and insightful, I sound breathless and nervous. That profound insight is lost in the delivery. Maybe you have felt this way, too, before an important event or big performance. Your nerves become too big, too overwhelming, and your performance falls flat. 

I used to experience this a lot. Then I learned something new. Something powerful. I learned how to harness the energy of my butterflies. 

Drawing again on the work of Lisa Feldman Barrett, she shared a story of when her daughter was about to enter a Karate competition. Her coach looked at her and said, “Get Your Butterflies flying in formation.”

Get your butterflies flying in formation. What does that mean? Rather than following a common impulse to push them away, ignore them, or silence them, you instead harness them. 

Flying in formation creates coordination within the group, reducing drag and increasing efficiency, pulling the energy of the group into the same direction toward a shared outcome.  

That all makes sense for birds or planes, right? But what does it mean to get your stomach butterflies flying in formation? 

Those butterflies represent a lot of energy bouncing around inside your body. What if, instead of letting that energy, those “butterflies”, loose as nervous energy and fear (fear of failing, fear of messing up, fear of looking stupid, fear of others opinions), you harness that energy as passion for what you desire in that moment (passion to communicate an idea, passion to be understood, passion to grow, to rise to a challenge).

I tried this out the other day. Here’s what happened. I was in a work meeting. I was the new person on the team. There was a room full of powerful, influential people. There were several consultants from a high powered consulting firm. Most of the group was in a room together in our main Manhattan office. I was calling in from my virtual office from across the country. This whole set up is often one that gives me butterflies. It can be hard to read the room from my virtual office, hard to know when to chime in, hard to gauge their reaction to my comments. And there are several smart, high powered people that I don’t want to look dumb in front of. 

I’m sitting in this meeting, waiting for my turn to present. I feel the butterflies starting to arise. Feeling my heart start to beat faster. Feeling my breathing start to get more rapid and shallow. Finally my turn came. I took all that energy, all those butterflies, and l channeled them into a formation that would better serve my goals. I took the energy and I became more animated in my voice, more passionate about my ideas, more intentional about my pacing and pausing. I turned the fear of others judgment into a determination to be true to my knowledge and expertise. 

When it was all over, frankly, I was just relieved I had not gone into a full-on breathless, unable-to-speak episode. That was all I really cared about. But the feedback from others was much more positive. “That was very comprehensive.” “That was very clear.” “You rocked it.” “I can tell you have a lot of passion for your work.” My flying butterflies, instead of derailing my performance as they had in the past, had actually taken me into my top performance. 

So the next time you are feeling those butterflies, don’t hate them, don’t push them away, don’t ignore them or try to hide them. Harness them. They are a signal that you care about something deeply, deep enough to be in this uncomfortable, difficult situation. So step into the challenge and let those butterflies take you into your highest flight.