Leaning-In Instead of Shutting Down

We learn a lot about ourselves as we pay attention to the things we shut down inside of us. Maybe we shut down certain emotions. Maybe we shut down conflict. Maybe we shut down parts of our personality.

As we get curious about what we shut down, we also get insight into why. Often we shut down things that we worry will make us unloveable or rejected because at one point in our lives, those feelings or expressions or part of our personality did lead to isolation, rejection, shame, or even punishment. Not because they weren’t worthy of love, but because the people around us were unable to hold space for them. 

But there is power in leaning into the things that we instinctively want to shut down. Leaning in doesn’t mean we have to believe it, but it gives us the chance to understand it. Leaning in doesn’t mean we have to let it overwhelm us, either. Because for every part of us that we instinctively want to shut down, there is another part of us that has the strength, courage, and balancing emotions to heal that exiled part. 

The key to leaning in to the difficult emotions is to unblend from them so they do not overwhelm all of you. Unblending is simply a process of noticing. Noticing that a part of you feels anxious, or angry, or hurt, or alone, or whatever you’re feeling that you want to push away. Try noticing it with compassion and curiosity. Listen to it’s story, and as you do, let it know that it’s not alone. Because you are not only the anxious, or hurt, or lonely feelings. You are also courageous, compassionate, strong, and good. And those parts of you can hold space for the struggling parts as you lean in to the story within.