Healing the Food Police

Written by Michelle Shelton

March 14, 2023

My last blog post talked about the Food Police and reorienting your relationship to it when it shows up. Cultivating awareness of it and finding appreciation for the role it has played trying to help you survive in a diet toxic culture. This week I’ll double click on this process of reorienting your relationship with the food police. 

First, it’s important to create some space between this part of you, your inner food police, and you. Just because a part of you believes you must run an extra mile or skip the next meal because you ate this or that, does not mean that it is true or even that all of you believes that. You may have even noticed this inner conflict. Maybe another part of you doesn’t want to run at all, let alone run an extra mile. Maybe another part of you loves to run, but it knows that running can’t be the solution to your guilty feelings around food. These are all normal thoughts and feelings and it’s totally normal for them all to exist together. Bringing mindful awareness to one or all them them creates the space to see them for what they are, just a part of you. And with this space, you begin to have some choice about what to do with it. 

And so the question is, what do we do with this part now that we have the space and separation to see it? This is where the magic begins to happen because now you can begin to build a relationship with it. Relationships thrive in open appreciation, curiosity, and compassion. They crumble and recoil in judgment and condemnation. Our goal is not to hate the food police. Our goal is to heal it. To understand its story and to release its burden. 

The truth is, all parts of ourselves are trying to help, as futile or ineffective as its attempts may be. We are wired for survival. We adapt to survive within the context of our surroundings. It doesn’t mean that these adaptations are helpful or healthy. It does mean they served a purpose. We all know the feeling of working tirelessly for a cause, yet all our efforts go unnoticed or unappreciated (anyone here a parent?). Imagine if you were suddenly seen, known, and appreciated for all these efforts that had previously gone unnoticed. Wouldn’t your heart melt, your frustration soften? The parts inside us need that same recognition and as it is offered, they too will soften and a relationship can begin to form. 

This process can feel a little tricky because maybe there are parts of you that don’t like the food police, that do carry condemnation and judgment toward it. These parts are valid, too. But you can’t work with the food police while these judgment parts are there. You may need to ask these parts to relax or step back until you find a natural curiosity and openness towards it. You can come back and work on these judgment parts later.

An important warning at this point in the process. As you begin to create this safe space of open curiosity, you will begin to hear the story of this part. Not only hear, you will begin to feel it. This is a beautiful and challenging thing. Because to heal it you have to feel it. It may bring up things that you haven’t allowed yourself to feel because they hurt too much. But as you stay with it with curiosity and compassion, it won’t hurt too much. Instead, you will unlock your own natural healing power. As one of my favorite quotes goes, “it is compassion that moves us beyond numbness to healing.”

As you hear its story, you will begin to see its burden, carrying the extreme beliefs of our thin-obsessed culture. For example, our culture will tell you that value comes from looks and appearance, rather than being an inherent part of our existence. It will tell you you have to be thin to be loved. If a part of you carried this burden of our cultural beliefs, wouldn't it make sense that it would use any tactics available to achieve and preserve this outward measure of value? Of course it would! Trying to get it to stop using these tactics, these tactics of starvation or excessive exercise, or whatever, while it still carries this burden won’t work because it cares too much to stop trying to help. You must heal the burden. 

This process will take time. This isn’t something you move through in a day or a week or a month. It’s totally normal and expected to get stuck along the way. Be patient and gentle, and take your time. The goal is not to move through this process as fast as you can. The goal is restoring the relationship. With that focus in the lead, the rest will naturally follow and healing will come.