Un-Verb Your Worth

Written by Michelle Shelton

Dec 5, 2023

I was working with a client recently in my Intuitive Eating & Body Attunement coaching program. Together we were digging to the root to understand some of her challenges with eating and food restriction. As we explored, we discovered a connection between her feelings of worthiness and her body image. When she looked in the mirror and saw things she did not like, she would start having negative thoughts and beliefs about herself. From here, she would immediately go to fix-it mode. Eat less, exercise more, lose weight. Then you will feel better. Then you will feel good about yourself. Then you will like what you see in the mirror. 

The problem is, there was nothing inherently wrong about what she saw in the mirror. She is a beautiful, strong, healthy human being. But when she looked in the mirror, she saw a person who did not meet our cultural definition of perfection - the perfect body, the perfect personality, the perfect skin, the perfect hour-glass figure, the perfect whatever. There is always something to criticize. And until she meets that standard, that elusive definition of perfect, there is work to be done. As we explored, we uncovered the underlying belief: until she met this elusive standard, she would not be enough. She would not be worthy of all the good things she desired in her life - a good job, a healthy relationship, hope for good things in the future. 

This experience with this client illustrates so well an underlying belief that so many people in our culture play out in their lives, whether conscious or unconscious. If I can just be this weight, just look this certain way, be this size - then I will be good enough. Then I will be worthy of the life I desire.

But here is the good news: You are worthy now. It is not your weight or your size or your looks that make you worthy. It is not your job or your relationships or your house or your car. It is your humanity, your presence here on this earth. You are worthy, as all human beings are, of a life of happiness, connection, and wellbeing. 

Her solution as we came to the end of that session was to un-verb worthiness. To stop trying to earn it. To choose to stop believing the rhetoric that you must first look a certain way or be a certain size. That you have to shrink and starve your body. Or really, that you have to do anything at all.

The culture won’t change. You have to change. Don’t wait for someone else to tell you that you are worthy as you are. You must tell it to yourself. Every day. Until you believe it. You must choose to treat yourself that way. Every day. Until it is second nature. You must see and treat others that way. Every day. Until it becomes who you are. 

Stop waiting for the life you desire until you are finally good enough. Stop distracting yourself with all the hustle and effort just to feel worthy. Stop believing that what others think matters. All of the time and effort you put into these actions are simply wasted energy. You are trying to earn something that you already have, trying to pay off a debt that you never owed. Un-verbing worthiness means you are free to put all of that energy and focus into building the life that you want now. Don’t hustle for your worth, hustle for your dreams.